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Five Signs He’s Not the Super Hero for You

When dating a super hero at what point do you have to cut him loose? He’s a hero, right? Why would you leave him? Turns out, even heroes can be villains (or at least jerks), and whatever powers he has, they aren’t worth making yourself miserable over. Here’s what you need to watch out for:

If he's not worth it, forget it.

If he’s not worth it, forget it.

5. Tabloid reports

These are a sign, but nothing close to gospel. The first story that says he’s been seen canoodling is almost definitely a lie, but more than one a week (and non-photoshopped pictures to prove it) is cause for alarm. Do confirm before kicking him to the curb.

4. No time

Fighting villains is time-consuming, but when he’s so involved you can’t coordinate more than texts, it’s not shaping up to be a healthy relationship. He may be a fantastic guy, but you’re better of letting him go until he figures out that whole life/hero balance thing.

3. Groupies

The fans will always be after him, but when he starts hanging with barely-eighteens in belly shirts, be prepared to move on. If he just wants to mess around, let him go. Unless you just want to mess around—in which case, have fun, but don’t get too attached!

2. Questionable Motives

This is of particular concern for you heroines out there. If he’s poking around your lair and asking for classified info, he may be a villain in disguise. In this case, don’t be shy about getting a background check. It’s better to be a little paranoid than to get played.

Keep it together, Marge.

Keep it together, Marge.

1. Super Violence

If he can’t separate his job and his home life, he’s gone. Period. Super strength is no excuse to be a super asshole. If he’s always getting into fights and can’t control his temper, he isn’t a guy you need to be around unless he’s actively working on his problems.

Five Tips for Dating a Super Hero

Now that you know how to treat a super heroine, here are five critical tips for dating a super hero:

I see that look in your eye...

I see that look in your eye…

5. Don’t stalk

It’s not cute. He already has groupies, and sending love letters made of magazine cut-out letters is only going to get you noticed by your local law enforcement agency.

4. Have Something to Say

“I like your biceps” isn’t the greatest leading line (even if it’s true). No matter how awesome his last job was (saving the world, etc.) he might be tired of repeating the story. Talk about the same things you’d ask any other guy, like where do you want to travel, and if necessary, the old, “Seen any good movies lately?”

3. Don’t Try to Impress

Much like the super heroine, the hero has seen it all. If he’s looking for a serious relationship, he doesn’t want arm candy. He wants a partner to support him in his crazy life, who isn’t trying to keep up with Kim K and won’t leave him when he retires from the spotlight.

OK. Maybe that one is impressive.

OK. Maybe that one is impressive.

2. Don’t Expect Anything

Everyone wants something out of a super hero. He’s tired of people who are after him for his money or the spotlight. Make it clear that those aren’t your priorities. Even if the perks of dating him are amazing, let him know you have your own agenda and don’t need fame to be a fulfilled human being.

1. Get to Know His Friends

A hero’s crew must approve any new relationship. Maybe it’s not a formal review, but if the guys (or girls) don’t trust you, it’s not going to last. Too many hero chasers turn out to be villains, and they’re not letting one of their own go down that road. They will make you miserable if you mess with their boy.

Five Tips for Dating a Super Heroine

Get on my level

Writing the sassy super heroines of the Manhattan Ten has given me plenty of insight into the mind of the average super-powered lady. Super powers, or not, standard dating etiquette applies, but do keep the following in mind:

5. Be on Time

Obviously. You never keep your date waiting, and this is twice as true for a super heroine. Five minutes late could be a wrong turn, ten minutes could be a traffic jam, but after fifteen? Now she’s wondering if you got kidnapped by her latest nemesis and if there’s time to rescue you before the movie starts.

4.  Check the Ego

Maybe you’re kind of a big deal. You’re a billionaire, a professional athlete, or a hero in your own right. That’s cool, but it will not impress your date; your date cannot be impressed. Right before you met for drinks, she was saving the POTUS and busting a crime syndicate, probably with a crew of heroes more badass than you can imagine. She is already tired of egos and if she senses you’re shopping for arm candy, the date will be done and you may or may not be left with your limbs.

3.  Spandex Optional

Don’t expect her to prance around in a midriff-baring unitard. If she’s in the mood she might rock a bustier or some sexy leather pants (because a distracted villain is a defeated villain) but off the clock, you’re more likely to find her in sweat pants and oversized T-shirts. And don’t expect to see any midriff on the first date.

2.  Feed the Poor Girl

Fighting crime burns mega-calories, and a garden salad (vinaigrette on the side) isn’t going to cut it. Super heroines like barbecue, pizza and beer, and things that begin with deep fried. These ladies don’t diet, and if that’s a problem for you, consider this your warning. Remember how she can’t be impressed? She’s also not trying to impress you, and if you make comments about her weight, you’ll probably end up in a hell-dimension before desserts. Don’t worry. She’ll finish that steak for you.

Cake and Men

1. Make a Connection

Dating a super heroine isn’t about power plays, or whose abilities are the baddest. The ability to destroy a few city blocks makes that kind of a moot point. She’s looking for someone who understands her, won’t be freaked out about her shady origins (not that she’s radioactive anymore…), and won’t try to babysit (or horn in) when the world needs saving. Talk, get to know each other, and don’t be an idiot.

If you make that deep connection, she might show you the spandex after all…